Hello and welcome once more! I am ecstatic to share another
lesson the Lord has me learn through life’s trials and roller coaster like ride…. The Lord saw me through every step of the way. Even when I wasn’t asking for help. He was still there, just waiting on me, waiting for me to call upon Him. He is the perfect gentleman, does not push and force me to do anything I don’t want to do. Even though He knows what I am not doing or doing is probably not the best for me and yet He waits, with a patient and loving heart.
I am grateful He is the way He is, at times I become flustered with myself for not knowing what to do next. When that happens I cry out to Him, “Lord, please reveal to me what I need to do, please!” Pleading for my lack of understanding. But then I think it’s just that… my lack of understanding. And then I think to myself, “oh boy! I’d better apologize to Him,” for my lack of patience and not waiting upon the Lord with peace. Here I am so grateful when He has patience with me. But I, in return do not reciprocate those traits back to the Lord. But I know that He already knows that, and has forgiven me already for my downfalls with an understanding love.
Again, the Lord understands, but although He understands I need not to take advantage. I need to wait upon the Lord and be patient for Him to work things through with time. Although they have already come to fruition. It’s time for me to wait and see what He has for me, with patience. This builds character for my sake, to glorify Him. And praise Him for His perfect love, grace, mercy, long suffering, sacrifice, and I can go on and on….
“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.”
– Psalm 37:7 KJV
It has been 11 years, going on 12 years of marriage this May 2017. And I have to say that it has not been easy at all. We all tend to think marriage should be a pretty picnic and lots of love and googly eyes every day and night spent with your spouse.
But let me tell you… it’s all… LIES!
Ok, now don’t get ahead of yourself and think I am saying marriage is horrible. And every chance I get when a couple says they are engaged, want to get married, or are getting married, do I scream, “RUN, QUICK, SAVE YOURSELVES!!!”. No, that’s not what I am saying at all. Maybe, I’d like to, but I won’t… Orrr…. ok, no I won’t 😛
My thoughts on marriage have value. The Lord has made that special someone for you and specifically tailored to you. Although, it may not seem that way, it’s true. If you get past the differences and pay close attention, that person compliments you in some way or another. In ways, you may otherwise be deficient in. Like the saying, “opposites attract”, or just as two pieces of a puzzle only fit perfect when they have opposite sides or shapes.
I use to say, “well, although opposites attract, they just don’t work.”. But you see that is where I was wrong, I had a lack of understanding and only concentrated on what my husband was not doing for me and what I wanted to happen or how I wanted Him to be. Unfortunately, only in the past 3 years of my marriage did I finally get it. Or get what the Lord meant for me when He made Mario to be my mate for life.
You see when you become married in the bible it says in Mark 10:8-10, “…and the two shall become one flesh, so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate,” NKJV.
We become one. One unit. A team joined together by God Himself. So I should act not for myself but with consideration of my husband in all aspects. Decision making, emotionally considering the other and careful not to hurt the other person even if it’s not in my own best interest at the moment. And be slow to anger. Because when we become upset, selfish behavior is priority. I say ask the Lord for patience and being slow to wrath knowing when to walk away and wait till emotions dissipate.
We are opposites, like oil and water. And for the longest time I wondered if the Lord was punishing me or if due to my disobedience did I cause my own demise. But I hung in there by a tip of the finger. With me holding on to the promise of the Lord and Him sanctifying my marriage. Even though at times I was bitter and upset. Not towards the Lord, but mostly towards Mario and myself. And why I chose what I chose, and how stupid and immature I was. Yes, I was immature and in a backsliden state in my relationship with the Lord. But, now I realize there are different paths we choose but at the end of each they all lead to the Lord. Some paths are short and easy, some are long and difficult. But in the end they all lead to Him. Cause He is always there.
Sorry, let’s get to the point since I’ve been rambling on….
Here it is, the Lord has revealed to me to stop concentrating on on others especially my husband, and concentrate on myself and the Lord. I’m not saying neglect him, no… no… no…. I am saying being bitter towards him for what he’s said and done, and try to fix things between us, in my own way. Of which was not working at all. It actually made everything worse.
Because I act on my behalf in my best interest when I am hurt or feel upset at an issue between Mario and I. And he the same. In doing so, we collide. At one point we thought separation was the solution. Although, we never separated there was a time when we came very close to doing just that. But like I said the Lord is always there. I am far from perfect and as far as I was concerned most definitely was Mario. Yet again, I was ultimately mistaken. With that type of mentality, I was poisoning my relationship and ruining my family. Look at it this way, when you are saying your wedding vows to each other, it’s a LIFETIME promise not only between you and your spouse but promising the Lord you will honor one another in Him. And when we break that promise to one another it is also to the Lord. Traditional vows are as follows:
“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”
That is about what most people will recite for wedding vows, unless you are creative and write your own of which I’m sure is vowing about the same things said. Let’s look at the definition of ‘Pledge’:
1. Any thing given or considered as a security for the performance of an act. Thus a man gives a word or makes a promise to another, which is received as a pledge for fulfillment. The mutual affection of husband and wife is a pledge for the faithful performance of the marriage covenant. Mutual interest is the best pledge for the performance of treaties.
2. To give as a warrant or security; as, to pledge one’s word or honor; to pledge one’s veracity.
When you pledge yourself to another you are warranting a security, a promise to be there when things are difficult to bear or when things are great. Now a days, its more like if you don’t serve my needs we aren’t compatible. And move on to whomever can. But that’s just it no one will ever be able to do that for you. We look for perfection in imperfect beings. It’s contradictory. And yet we get mad, raising our fist at God. Questioning the Lord and His divine Will.
Look to God and His perfection.
That is where joy and happiness lies. Not in each other, even though we are married to one another for companionship. We are not to solely depend on our happiness in one another, or ourselves for that matter. We are to work together as one with the Lord depending solely on Him.
The Lord our God, the one TRUE living God, takes promises and vows literal. And will hold us to what we say. He does so because that is what He does. All of His promises have come true and will come to past. He expects that from us. Jesus said:
“But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No” be “No’. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”
-Matthew 5:37 NKJV
Breaking a vow is not something I believe the Lord will let pass. It does say in the Bible when there is adultery in a marriage the vow is broken. Not to say that things can’t be forgiven from the victimized spouse, if the offending spouse is remorseful and turns from their sin. Regardless, getting married is a vow between three people and should be kept no matter the turbulence. And in order to avoid long term suffering that third person needs not to be neglected. And that of course is God. Keeping Him in the relationship is vital.
Whether the efforts are singular or in unison, the efforts must be done. My dad has said, “it takes two to make war but one to make peace.”. And to be perfectly honest when we act as though efforts will not be made if the other person doesn’t make an effort first, than that becomes childish. Now, there can be special circumstances. And that is a totally different discussion.
With God all things are possible so if your efforts are only from you, and you are diligent in keeping the faith. The Lord will bless you for those efforts. Even if it seems like resolutions will never occur. There will be a resolution. But here is the best part, ask the Lord for peace, and keep your eyes on the Lord and no one else. He will deal with everything. He has and always will.
For example when the Israelite’s fled to the desert with Moses after Pharoah set them free from bondage, later pursued them because of his spiteful hate, to kill them all. Moses says:
“The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace,”
– Exodus 14:14
Then God spoke to Moses, telling him to raise His rod to part the sea. Where there is faith, there is blessing. In some ways least expected.
So, when was the moment that the Lord revealed to me this life lesson? It was at a women’s retreat my sister Amy, took me to. Going there I had high expectations. That I could have many godly women pray for my husband… it was my mission. Since I thought my husband was the main problem. And oh boy! Was I wrong….
The Lord revealed to me that this was not about my husband changing as my concern (which in time will happen). But what I needed to pray for and open my eyes to was devoting my time and concern to Christ. He was calling me, asking, waiting for me to look for Him through quality time spent in prayer and reading His Word. To become closer and intimate with my Lord Jesus Christ.
It makes me sad just thinking about it. That I was neglecting the One who was pursuing me, who created and saved me, and I was side tracked by my fleshly desires and relationship with my husband and myself. The order of operation of who I serve in my life should be: The Lord Jesus Christ, my husband, my children, then me.
Jesus denied Himself and it was by far easy for Him. Christ isn’t asking me to die (in my case) physically, but die to myself emotionally. Stop putting myself first. My emotions first, my happiness first. Once I figured that out I learned to be compassionate to my husband and know that he must feel the same about me the way that I feel with him. And if I want to do everyone justice, I must keep my eyes on Christ and He will guide me through everything else.
My friend, I will tell you. What a relief! The concept seems so easy when you look at it from the outside. But when you are on the inside looking out you become covetous towards better circumstances. And that is normal. It’s ok… only when you are willing to turn from this selfish habit, ask for forgiveness, and put God first, and then others besides yourself. It’s self rewarding. As well as the Lord will see and bless in many different forms. His ways are not our own. So let’s not expect to know what we are talking about. Becoming “know-it-all’s” to what is best for us compared to what our Creator has for us.
Since the Lord has revealed this to me, I have to be honest it gives peace inside. But, I have to be reminded continually, and that only happens when I am in prayer and reading the word of God maintaining that relationship with Him.
Life will never be a smooth ride when there is sin involved. And sin will never go away till we get to be with Him in Heaven. So expect some bumps on the road but know that our safety belt is always there to keep us safe. And if you need a great example of how to maintain a relationship with God. Look at Jesus. He lived nothing but an exemplary life, for us to emulate.
So look to the Word of God for that, the Bible. Start out by reading from the books of Matthew to John to see how Jesus maintained his relationship with God the Father. How he continually prayed on his knee’s and asked for guidance through all He went through. The immense dedication, faith, and love Jesus had for His/Our Father. We need to be the same.
I give thanks to my Father in Heaven who relentlessly loves me even when I am not the most lovable. I love Him dearly and owe everything to Him. He teaches me to love the person who isn’t the most lovable, to be patient and kind to them waiting on them with love. Cause that is what true love is.
Thank you for reading and I pray this has blessed you as it has for me