Jesus opens the eyes of two blind men in two different ways. One He heals by speaking and the other by using dirt. Some of us require to just be spoken to and others He allows sin to be used to open our eyes.
It took me 10 years to understand what obedience meant as a child of God. I’m still working on it. I am far from perfect. And will never achieve perfection. But I can try to get somewhere close to it. What I needed to do is purge distractions out of my life. TV, Social Media, some types of music, and movies. The Lord wanted to reveal to me certain things that I couldn’t otherwise see if I hadn’t rid of those distractions. While going through this purging the enemy was watching and began to wreak havoc in my life. On my marriage especially.
During those years the Lord impressed upon my heart to homeschool my children. But it wasn’t easy trying to get Mario on board. He wasn’t confident that I was capable or credentialed. He kept saying no to the idea. And I didn’t completely disagree with him. I wasn’t sure and was doubtful of my own capabilities. I felt a heaviness to homeschool. It pained me to watch my children make little to no progress in the Public School System. With that in mind I felt a need to be obedient to the Lord.
The Lord made it known to me that I could not homeschool without Mario’s approval. It was only 2 months before the new school year would begin and I felt under pressure to start planning out the year. But still no agreement from Mario. I would pray and ask the Lord to work on Mario’s heart. I’d also ask the Lord in desperation how I was going to plan a whole school year if I didn’t get a clear answer from Mario. Time was of the essence. The Lord impressed upon my heart to wait and have faith that He would and could change Mario’s heart. And that I needed to to plan as if Mario was on board. So I did.
A month later Mario agreed.
In this the Lord showed me that waiting upon Him with faith the size of a mustard seed; (Matthew 17:20) He will provide all things and care for all my worries. Faith begets obedience. Obedience begets more faith in Him. With a ripple effect of blessings.
The Lord also taught me how to forgive through obedience. You say, forgive, that’s not all that hard (for some anyway). Well if you dig deep and notice your feelings toward situations or circumstances that may have happened in your life, and ask yourself if you’ve forgiven the person or situation, but really ask, “have I let that go ?”. Ask yourself another question “Am I okay with what happened?”. Not that you have to condone what happened to you, but are you wiling to give it up to the Lord? To cast your cares upon Him? Many of us may be like, Peter, who was quick to say he’d never do such a thing as deny Christ, because of the love Peter had for Jesus. But like Peter we don’t realize how weak in spirit we may be during trials. And for me I wasn’t wiling to let go of some things that were said and done. They hurt. They replayed over and over in my head. Causing more bitterness. Something of which I had to purge of as well. Throwing out tv, social media, movies, and secular movies, was nothing. But the Lord had me remove those things to get to the underlying issues. Bitterness, resentment, (toward myself and my husband) self pity and so on. The Lord can’t and won’t use a dirty rag to clean another mess. He only uses that which has been cleaned thoroughly by Him, when we allow Him to. The Lord is a perfect gentleman He will not force Himself on anyone.
My understanding to this came during a pretty difficult time. I found myself locked in the bathroom crying bitterly asking the Lord, “why… what do I do?”. And the moment I complained and said, ” why haven’t I received not one apology? I’m owed at least that.”. And in a quiet still voice the Lord answered.
“No, apology is needed.”
He said, ” what I have done for you on that cross is enough, my forgiveness to you is all you need.”. I needed to understand that Jesus didn’t die on the cross with an apology from me before He took the cross. He died for me before I received Him. Before I asked for forgiveness. As Christians we are to be Christ-Like. Not to be entitled. The Lord showed me in that very moment there in the bathroom that I needed to let go of all I was holding against my husband, that I didn’t realize I was harboring. And in that moment the Lord corrected me with His gentle loving words. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. And it felt better than holding on to bitterness that I thought was keeping me safe.
He has also shown me how to receive forgiveness. There are times for us all where we mess up and move away from the Lord. Then come back to Him asking for forgiveness in shame. And that despite us knowing He forgives and that as long as we ask for forgiveness He grants us that and will remember it no more. But I find myself coming down on myself for sin I’ve repented for. Upset at how I could have allowed myself to go there. But the Lord gave this scripture to me.
“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain; that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, He may give it to you.”
Essentially, He’s saying I know what I am working with. Nothing you do I don’t know about already. He understands our short-comings. He’s already taken all our future sins into account. But that doesn’t matter to Him. He chose you… me…. He won’t be surprised at what we’ve done. That’s the lie of the enemy to keep us away from being wiped clean to be used for the will of the Lord. We are sheep. Stupid, dumb to what the real battle is. We need to open our eyes to full obedience and submission. And start praying for the Lord to reveal to us areas in our lives that need to be purged. To forgive and be forgiven. And to have His will revealed to us so we may humbly follow Him. Cause ultimately, His will is the best will. And it is in His will to have me. He chose me before the foundations of the Earth. And for that I am ever so grateful. And will humbly yield to my gracious and merciful Savior, Redeemer, Creator. And no longer dwell on my shortcomings that have been washed by the precious blood of my sweet Jesus.
Giving up my pardoned sins glorifies Jesus. His triumphal reign over death. Me dwelling on these things, says there is condemnation in Christ when in Romans 8:1 states the contrary:
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
You see my friend, the moment you accept Jesus into your heart as your personal (implies relationship and not forced obligatory efforts) Lord and Savior all you do has been washed clean when you come to the feet of Jesus and give it all to Him in confession daily. He’s pardoned you, He’s washed you clean and nothing you do will sever the love He has for you. Prodigal son or not. I pray you understand and are blessed. I pray you can move forward here with a better understanding of the love that our wonderful God has for you, me, and even those who reject Him. Although He will justly correct us it is in love. Understand taking your sins and shortcomings to Christ is a beautiful thing. We NEED to bring all of our cares to Him, large or small. Confess everything and understand He has washed them clean. And move forward in improvement walking hand in hand with our wonderful Father. There’s comfort in knowing He’s got everything under control. Be obedient, be free. Jesus has finished everything for us with Mercy. We just need to follow Him daily. Without ceasing. In prayer and in His word.